The Stonewater Zen Centre is currently closed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. We are currently meeting regularly online, please see our Online Zendo page for further details.

Changing my mind, changing my world – Suzanne Tsuko Adey

Here we have another contribution on the theme of “Changing my mind, changing my world”, this time a lovely piece by Suzanne Tsuko Adey:

I grew up with a very dim view of my father. Growing up he was often aggressive and rude.  As a child I feared him and as an adult I avoided him. For decades, apart from perfunctory Christmas visits, we were pretty much estranged. I was haunted by memories of his aggressive and frightening behaviour and saw myself as a victim of his hatred. I believed he hated me and wanted total control over me.

About four years ago during a spiritual healing session, I suddenly remembered something that my grandmother had told me when I was a child. It had never been spoken of since and I had forgotten all about it until that moment. She told me that when he was four years old he had run into the side of a lorry. He was unconscious and liquid was coming from his ear. He had fractured his skull and had a long stay in hospital to recover. It occurred to me that his struggles to control his temper may have stemmed from a brain injury rather than belligerence. At that moment my whole past looked very different. There was now a possible explanation for his behaviour other than the he was just a ‘bad man’.

I rang him to say hello which I never did. I felt more kindly towards him although I was still a little nervous of him. He was surprised and delighted. A few months later he rang me in tears. He had had an insight into his own behaviour and realized that it was inappropriate and out of order. He said he just had never realized how he came across and felt terrible. He was apologetic and resolved to change. I had already forgiven him and now this was happening. I had resigned myself to a fatherless existence. Now I have a dad again. Somehow miraculously all that hurt that had plagued me for so many years had healed. I am grateful to the universe for this example of how, for me, changing my mind the world changed. Even before my dad had his insight the world had already changed for me, his new attitude was a bonus.