Richard wrote this on sesshin last summer and dedicates it to all sangha members especially Colin, the summer Shuso
I’m sitting here in silence
And waiting for the bell
To relieve my suffering body
From this self-inflicted hell
Of pain and angst and heartache
I’ve dredged up on the way.
I’m struggling to work it through
Or leave it for the day.
The others seshin sitters
Look calm, serene, benign
I wonder is their pain & suffering
Just the same as mine?
Or am I the only one who’s here
Who’s pleading for the time.
They simply sit in silence
Hidden by a mask.
If only they would let me speak,
I simply want to ask
A question of such great import
Which they would surely tell
If I’m the only person here
Who’s waiting for the bell
The tenzo in the kitchen
Creates a sumptuous smell
Of hearty fare to tempt us
If there only was a bell
I’m glancing at the jikido
To see if I can tell
Of any kind of sign she makes
She’s going to ring the bell
The patterns in the wooden floor
Form faces scary or divine.
All seem to mock and shout at me,
“Ha ha it isn’t time”.
And Shuso said “don’t worry,
It is the way of zen
Just keep sitting on the mat
And counting up to ten”
So well there’s nothing for it
I will take another spell
Of sitting here in silence
Waiting for the bell.