It takes time – Karen Shoji Robbie

It’s taken 21 years to find out a few things about zazen or should I say my life. My practice is ‘just sitting’. This is about something meaningful to me. That has happened very slowly, that has taken time.

In my bedroom I sit and face the wall for 45 minutes, sometimes an hour. This seems to sort me out for the day (a realisation that has taken many years). Am I a slow learner? Forgetful? I like sitting on my own. I used to think this was selfish but I don’t now. For me, it’s about bringing it into everyday life, daily, where I am and I’m usually at home around 5 or 6 in the morning.

I like routine and getting up early. There are no distractions. I can be still and quiet.

By just doing this I can let go. I’m not doing it for any particular reason. It’s just what I do. I’m not judging so much. Am I getting anything, am I going anywhere?

I heard this recently: ‘Zazen is good for nothing’ Sawaki Kodo Roshi. So I sit down, straighten my back, place my hands in cosmic mudra and breathe.

Letting go is good. I thought there was something to find but more and more I find there is nothing to find. So what have I been looking for? Happiness, healing, peace, kindness, freedom, truth, the list goes on.

What have I found?

After suffering there is joy. Ha! Tomorrow might be hell but again it might not.